Lessons from a Park Bench

I have a bad habit of shrugging off other people’s compliments or expressions of gratitude. Part of it is, I do not like a lot of attention. The other part is that I genuinely enjoy helping people so when I engage in an act of kindness, it is no big deal to me.

As I was sitting on a park bench the other day, an elderly gentleman approached me asking if I had four quarters for a dollar. His speech was not as clear and earlier I had witnessed him talking to himself so I simply concluded that perhaps he was mentally disturbed (which sadly is not all that uncommon in New York City). Without even thinking or bothering to check my wallet, I instantly said, “No, I’m sorry” and went back to reading an e-mail on my phone.

As soon as he turned to walk away, I quickly came to my senses and remembered a promise I recently made to myself to not be in such a haste to ignore potential panhandlers, especially on first glance. I promptly exclaimed, “Wait! I might.” Turns out I actually had 90 cents (who knew?) and I told him he could keep the dollar. As I was putting my wallet away, I heard him say, “Thank you.” To this, I causally (and of course without thinking yet again) replied, “No problem.”

When I looked up, I realized that he seemed a bit offended. As he slowly went to sit on the bench next to mine, I heard him say, “It may not be a problem for you, but it was a problem for me and I appreciate it. Thank you.” I was completely taken aback and ended up confessing, “You know what? That response I gave you is a bad habit of mine and I honestly do need to do a better job at answering people more appropriately so ‘You’re welcome.’ That’s what I should’ve said.”

It wasn’t until he started revealing more about how grateful he was, because he needed a dollar to board the bus as a senior citizen, did I notice that I was sitting a few feet away from a bus stop. With absolutely no stores around, and with the great likelihood that the occasional jogger or passersby would have dismissed him as readily as I had done, he really would have had a difficult time making it to his destination after all. In that moment, it hit me that this was indeed a very big deal for him and that my seemingly small action truly mattered in terms of his ability to get going along his way.

So why am I sharing this story?

Aside from debunking the myth that I am a saint, this exchange forced me to acknowledge the need to exercise a greater awareness of the impact of my intentions, words and deeds on other people and on the world around me. This encounter taught me three lessons:

• Whether or not you realize the impact that you are having on other people, your communities or the environment, you are having one nonetheless. Make it a good one.

• Small things matter – like saying, “Thank you,” “You’re welcome,” “I’m sorry.” Never get too busy or too caught up in the more ‘important’ things in life to overlook the small things (seriously? catching up on emails?) The small things often have big lessons.

• Just because you messed up or fell short of your expectations does not mean that you cannot do better next time. Sometimes life does give you second chances – not necessarily with the same person or the same situation – but you can do a better job of preparing how you respond to future encounters as a result of this present disappointment.

A view from across the street of the park bench I was sitting on during this encounter.

At the end of the day, even though I retracted my “no problem” and responded with a more appropriate “you’re welcome” in its place, it is my gratitude to this man, whose name I may very well never know, for these critical life lessons that I will hold onto for some time.